Temper temper

I have a temper. I was always a little spit fire. I worked for a long time to overcome that temper, and for quite a few years I managed to successfully tame the beast. Unfortunately, the beast resurfaced a couple years ago and was out of control last year. I can be loud, mean, and pretty much crazy. It is a part of me that is really embarrassing and rather shameful. Anyone who knew me growing up knows a side of me that I wish didn't exist. Pretending it doesn't exist hasn't been all that successful.

Establishing an overall sense of peace is my goal. I want to behave like one of those people who never raises their voice and never says an unkind word. It's a rather worthy goal, and one I know I can attain with practice and meditation. Celebrate my victories and learn from my mistakes. I'd like to share a small victory with you.

Victory: once again my son has pooped his pants, (have I mentioned my disdain for potty training?) a few days ago when this happened I behaved badly and flipped out. Today, I did not raise my voice. I did not get mad. I calmly cleaned him up and let it go. I didn't guilt him. I just tried to show him love. This is a little victory for me. I didn't even feel anger inside. I felt only love and calm.

Another victory: when Jayden squeezed a bottle of shampoo onto the bathroom floor while I was on a Skype call, I didn't even feel upset or angry. I just cleaned it up and showed him the difference between the shampoo and the soap because I think he was trying to wash his hands.

I was true to myself. When I stay calm, I am true to myself. The spit-fire monster within, is not my personal truth. It is not the real me. Keys to happiness? Live true to yourself and do your best to live in the present moment. I try to remember that my only power is now.