I recently read an article on the Matt Walsh Blog (if you haven't read it yet, you should) that inspired me to write this. I could sympathize with the mother in the story. Taking kids to the store has always been one of my biggest parental fears, not because of anything my kids have done, but because of what I knew they could do. For the longest time, I wouldn't go to the store unless I had backup or a babysitter. I ordered everything I could online, (hooray for Amazon Mom & Amazon Subscribe & Save!!) If I had to get something locally, I would either go to the store after the kids were in bed or wait until my mom or my sister-in-law were in town to go with me. I even had Winder Farms delivering groceries for a couple of years. I was terrified to be "that mom" in the store, that mom with the screaming, out of control child. Since I knew better than to try to control the every whim and tantrum of an infant and young toddler, I controlled the circumstances of my shopping trips.
When my kids were old enough for me to effectively communicate with them, I started becoming more adventurous, but I also had a strategy. This is just what has worked for me and as a result, I've been lucky enough to avoid any knock-down-drag-out-what-is-wrong-with-that-kid-look-at-that-horrible-mother experiences in a store. If I'm honest, whenever possible, I still take backup to the store with me. However, my village has been a lot more busy for the past couple of years and isn't available to provide backup very often. Hence, my strategy.
Step One: Before we leave the house, I lay down the rules and consequences of breaking said rules. I keep them simple but broad enough to cover almost everything. They usually consist of things like: No fits, no tantrums, no running off, stay in the cart or hold my hand at all times, do everything I say, when I say or we will leave the store and you will lose your iPads for the rest of the day. I have to make the consequences dire enough to get through to them.
Step Two: On the way to the store, we discuss the rules. I say them and the kids repeat the rules and consequences back to me. Just to make sure they really understand everything I've said.
Step Three: Before we get out of the car, each of them take turns telling me the rules and consequences.
Yes, this is ridiculously redundant and probably over the top. If I'm honest, sometimes, I skip steps one and two, but never step three. I always do step three. The only reason this strategy works for me is that I always follow through. No matter how hard it is, I always follow through. I've been doing this with the kids from the very beginning. Whether we were at a restaurant or the grocery store, if one of the kids started crying or throwing a tantrum, they were taken to the car. When I first started taking them out places, I always had backup, so when I needed to, I was able to have my backup take the little one out to the car while I hurried to finish shopping or check out.
Kids have amazing memories, and I followed through enough times that I only have to remind them of the consequences and they *usually* calm down. The same strategy works, for me, in counting to 3 when they are misbehaving. The thing is, I only lay down consequences I'm willing to follow through with. I wont even start counting if I'm not willing to follow through with whatever consequence I come up with to finish the "if I get to three, ____________" statement.
I know I've been blessed with two pretty great kids, especially considering they have a clueless mother. This is just one of the ways I've found to help make my life easier. All we can do is our best. Remember that. Just do your best, and don't worry about the other mom's in the world. Somehow we all think we know best, when really, we are all pretty clueless.
No comments:
Post a Comment