You're making me anxious...

I may have mentioned this before, but my husband and I are the only ones with kids on both sides of the family. My step-sister and her husband have a son, but they live in Seattle and we don't get to hang out or even really talk much. Now, I don't know if you remember the time before you had children, maybe you still don't have any kids, but life without kids is a hell of a lot different than life with kids. The things you want to do for fun, the places you go, the financial means to do those things, all of it changes when the kids come along. 

Some of our family members have an absolute blast watching the kids do things, have experiences, and just be kids. Some, not so much. There is NOTHING wrong with that. I don't expect everyone to be kid-friendly. The thing is though, I can tell that you aren't kid-friendly. It makes me uncomfortable when I'm with my kids and they are being kids around you. My father-in-law tells me I keep "drawing a line" between the adult activities and the kid activities. He thinks I'm making my kids miss out on things because I dub them "adult activities." Maybe he is right, but it's more that I don't want the added anxiety... I'm less likely to allow my kids to just be kids when I'm around people who don't do the kid thing. It makes me high-strung and no fun when I am worried about your opinion of my kids behavior... The crazy part is, I have really great kids. Sure, Aubrey has a scream that could break glass, but when she isn't being dramatic, she is sweet, adorable, and hilarious. Jayden has an incredible imagination, he loves to tell stories and would talk your ear off if given your attention. They say please, and thank you. They are usually great about following my rules, especially in public, but they are kids! Sometimes kids throw fits. Sometimes kids can be obnoxious and loud. Even good kids can drive the not-so-kid-friendly crowd crazy; hell, good kids can even drive the kid-friendly crowd a little crazy! I don't like to drive people crazy, so it stresses me out when I think my kids are doing that very thing. 

It seems that having children has made me a tad uptight, but not all the time. I'm more comfortable around some people than others. I can relax and allow my kids to be kids more easily when I'm comfortable in my surroundings. When I'm at my dad's house, for example, I'm generally unable to relax. I'm constantly worried about every little mess my kids make, every noise they make after 9pm, doing anything that will result in a lecture from my father. It's not his problem, it's totally mine, but sometimes I just can't relax when I'm visiting him. I can be chaotic and loud, kids are usually chaotic and loud... my dad is an accountant, which is to say, quiet and calm (*cough* boring* cough*). The point is, I tend to be more uptight about my kids behaving like kids when I'm with him at his house. This isn't because of anything my dad has said or done, it's all on me. 

At family events, when the only small children are my own, once again I have a difficult time relaxing. If I take them to someone else's home, I hover over them making sure they don't touch things they shouldn't or make a mess of any kind. Seriously, it is exhausting and not an ounce of fun for me. Call me selfish, but I would like to do things where I can relax and enjoy myself too. When you don't have kids, or it has been a long time since you actually raised yours, it is easy to forget all of the stress that goes along with parenting. It is easy to judge the decisions the parent makes without taking the time to understand the reasoning behind them. Before we can say yes or no to an invitation to do something, usually with family, we have a few questions we have to ask ourselves. If we feel that the experience will result in maximum enjoyment with minimal stress and anxiety, we go. If the chances of stress and anxiety are higher than the possible enjoyment we may experience, we pass. 

I know I've frustrated some people with this philosophy. I honestly can't say I'm sorry about that though. We have to do what is best for us. Our best might not be as good as yours. My best might seem ridiculous when compared to someone else, but I can only do what works for me. I am a better mom when I stay true to myself. I am a better wife when I stay true to myself. It was when I stopped being true to myself that I imploded. Part of being true to myself is avoiding situations that make me anxious. Admittedly there are a lot of things that make me anxious, but that's why it is even more important for me to avoid the unnecessary ones. Yes, I know I'm neurotic. It's just part of my charm :)