I'm not that kind of mom..

Lately I've been walking at night with my neighbor, and last night while we were out we got on the topic of moms, personalities, etc. More than once I found myself saying, "I'm not that kind of mom." Truth is, I'm a little afraid that when my kids start school they will notice I'm not that kind of mom and the mom that I am will no longer be enough for them.

I don't throw big birthday parties for my kids with cutesy themes and decor to match. I've never had a party for them that was large enough to justify invitations. I'm not that kind of mom.

I don't take pictures of my kids' every action, nor do I take them to get professional pictures of them every few months and then make fancy photo albums, picture montages, etc. I'm not that kind of mom.

I don't make a big deal out of holidays. I don't decorate for anything other than Christmas. I'm not that kind of mom. (In fact, before I had kids, I wouldn't even decorate for Christmas!)

I don't decorate for dinners. My table never looks like it could be featured on HGTV. I don't make seating charts or make anything overly fancy. Most of the time I don't put food into separate serving dishes... It just isn't me.

I don't have a spotless house, I probably never will. I'm not that kind of mom. 

My kids don't have their days scheduled from dawn to dusk. I'm not that organized or structured. 

When I first had kids, I thought I had to be like those other moms. I felt bad about myself because I wasn't that way. I felt like I was a bad mom because I didn't have a spotless house, a hot meal on the table every night, make my own baby food, have a perfect yard, take my kids to museums, put up 45 Christmas trees... oh the list could go on, and on, and on. I put so much pressure on myself to be something I wasn't that eventually I imploded. I just crashed and became the hot mess I'm recovering from today.

I give lots of hugs and cuddles. I play video games with my son, color with my daughter. I dance in the kitchen with them, play balloon volleyball in the house. We blow bubbles, fly helicopters inside, set off balloon rockets, and sing lots of songs. During the Perseid Meteor Shower, we let the kids stay up until nearly 2 am so they could sit outside with us and watch for shooting stars. It was really special and they loved it. I am that kind of mom.

I have 2 amazing kids and I just hope that I'm mom enough for them the way I am. 

I have to play to my strengths, and being completely and totally imperfect is one of my biggest.

We've been collecting baby pine cones for my sister-in-law. Aubrey has a blast gathering them up while I work in the yard.