Some things I could watch over and over without ever growing tired of it. Our family dance parties are one of those things. BJ dancing with the kids to his latest dubstep find in the kitchen makes me so happy. I cannot help but smile. Tonight was no exception.
Right now my kids think they love to dance. When Aubrey watches dancers on TV she tried to copy their moves. Especially ballerinas. I wish I knew what dance schools to enroll her in nearby because I should do it. Even Jayden has some killer dance moves, though his are a little more contemporary in nature. I was a terrible dancer. Terrible. I have no coordination. Even the dance games or video aerobics are too much for me. I look like an awkward chicken. It's embarrassing really. That said, I'm more than happy to support my children in things that interest them even when I know nothing about the subject. They would benefit from, and enjoy, both gymnastics and dance classes.
I feel as though, if I were a better mom, I would have them enrolled and have it all figured out. The things that hold me back from doing so are all selfish really. People, new people and situations, terrify me. Sometimes I can be awkwardly and painfully shy... until I get to know you. I am aware that is somewhat of an oxymoron. If you ask my friends, I'm not shy, but they know me already!
It makes me feel rather guilty when I admit my fears of people and new situations are keeping my children isolated. I am so NOT a perfect mom.
I just need to keep challenging myself. Pushing myself to be more and do more. It isn't fair for my kids to suffer for my social anxieties. All I can do is try to be better. Just try.
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