How important is this lesson...

There are times when I have to stop and ask myself "how important is this lesson for the kids?" I have refused to clean my playroom for a while. An embarrassingly long time, but I think I have a good reason for it. See, my kids destroyed that room and I think they should have to clean it themselves. Not long ago I wrote a blog post about making my kids clean their own room. What would have taken me an hour, tops, took them about three hours to complete. It's true, I could have cleaned it for them, but what would they have learned by my doing so? That they can make ridiculous messes and I'll be there to clean it up for them. I don't want them to learn that. I don't want to helicopter parent either. They are 3 and 4-years-old. They are going to make messes. However, in my mind, they are less likely to do so when they know that a) they have to live in the mess they make, and b) they have to clean the mess they make.

When they did this... I CLEANED IT!!!

When they did it AGAIN.... I CLEANED IT

When they did this, I cleaned it... (This is behind my couch in the front room)

Ahh, much better... but they didn't learn a thing! How do I know? Because of this:

I had their playroom beautiful and organized... There are LABELS!!! 

And in a mere 30 minutes while I was downstairs making dinner... it went from THIS....

TO THIS!!!!!

DO YOU SEE THIS!!!

SERIOUSLY!

So... I was livid. They literally took EVERYTHING off the beautifully organized and labeled shelves and did that. Every single toy they own, which I admit is a ridiculous quantity, was taken OFF the shelves and thrown into a giant pile in the middle of the floor. I worked so hard in there, painstakingly organizing, labeling, I even built and installed the shelves... I worked my butt off in that stupid room and all of it was undone in a mere 30 minutes. My husband is going to kill me (metaphorically speaking) for admitting this publicly, but I have refused to clean the room ever since that day. Well, I've tried a few times but I don't make it very long before I get mad again so I have to walk away until I can get in the right place mentally. So far, I haven't found the right place and finally I asked myself why that might be. The answer is simple, it feels like an injustice for ME to be the one to clean that room. Yes, I know, that's just part of being a mom, but isn't teaching your children to clean up after themselves also part of being a mom?

I've had friends over who ask "why don't you just bag everything up and get rid of it?" That's a good question. Honestly, it's because I am convinced this is an important lesson for them to learn. I don't let them play anywhere else for the most part, I don't let them use the tv in the entertainment room to escape their mess. It is their mess and, by golly, they have to live in it or clean it up. I'm nothing if not stubborn. I just have to be patient with them. We have been making progress, very slow progress, but progress nonetheless. The problem here is that I'm working with children who are 3 & 4, which is to say, little people with tiny attention spans. I've tried a few different tactics. I was feeling especially hopeful after the success we had in their bedroom, but the playroom has been challenging for them as well. I tried setting a timer, telling them they got to play for the same length of time as they cleaned. It seemed like a fair deal to me, but to a 4-year-old 20 minutes is apparently an eternity. We didn't get very far. I tried enticement "when you get this room all cleaned, I will buy you the video game you want." Unfortunately, that wasn't enough motivation either. I may not have found the appropriate level of motivation, but I have a quality that is far more important. Determination. It might not make sense to you, that's okay, but I am stubborn and determined enough to teach them this lesson.

Every time they have to throw a toy away because they haven't taken good enough care of it, it's a lesson to them. Every time they ask for a friend to come over and I say no because the playroom is too messy for their friends to play in, it's a lesson for them. Every time they complain about having to clean up the mess, I simply ask "who made this mess?" When they reply "we did" I make sure it's a reminder of the consequences of making such a mess. Like I said, I could have had the room clean by now. I could do it all myself, but what would they learn if I did? A big, whopping NOTHING and I just can't have that.

How important is this lesson? If you ask me, it's very important.

Seriously, why?!?!?

I didn't get mad today when Jayden dumped a bottle of Zyrtec in my jewelry cleaner while I was putting clothes in the dryer. I explained that was not a good idea, and cleaned up the mess.

I didn't get mad when Jayden made an "underwater volcano" with an empty beer bottle, tube of neosporin, and my cuticle tool (while I was making lunch). I praised his creativity because he was so excited, and explained that we should find a better way to make an underwater volcano in the future, and again cleaned up the mess.

However, about an hour ago, while I was holding Aubrey and explaining to her that there is a better way to express frustration than scream her ear-piercing banshee scream, Jayden did something which caused me to completely lose my s***. It might seem like nothing to many of you, and that's okay, but to those of you who know me it might make a little more sense.

After my discussion with Aubrey, I noticed Jayden had been absent for too long and was exceptionally quiet. Neither of which are ever good signs. I called for him - nothing. So I went on the hunt. He was in my room, on my bed, playing with the iPad. Innocent enough until I got closer, saw my perfume on the bed in front of him and I took a breath. The boy had sprayed perfume all over my bed and pillow. I was livid. My sinuses closed up immediately. I started wheezing. I started sneezing. Those who know me know that when I get started, I can sneeze for hours straight. I don't just sneeze once. No, I have this ridiculous allergy curse where I can sneeze for two hours straight or until the allergy medicine kicks in and I pass out. Anyway, as I said, this time I was upset. Then I walked into his room and noticed the kid had also painted with cortisone cream all over the floor and dresser. First, where is he even finding this s***??? Second, why? Why in the world are you doing such ridiculously stupid s***??? I yelled. I put him in time out. I sneezed. I yelled some more. Sneezed some more. And finally when he just laughed at me I went and pulled out the big guns. I got dad. Ha! Not so funny now, is it?!?

After consuming far more than the recommended dosage of allergy medicine to clear the airways again, and some much-needed daddy intervention, Jayden came down to me gave me a big hug and told me he was so sorry he sprayed my perfume all over my bed. Ah, the endearing moments with our children who love us even when we act just a little bit psycho :)

It is Jayden's favorite thing...

And I have to admit its one of mine too.. Jayden just crawled up onto my lap and asked me to tickle his back. I'm a sucker for cuddle time with my babies!! I'm pretty sure they know it, too! It's an effective momma manipulation tool. Cuddles, hugs, kisses, and loves. All of the things that melt my heart.

I may whine about my kids a bit, I may not be very perfect, and I may have yelled at my children out of frustration earlier today... One thing is for sure, they make my heart feel super happy ;) I wouldn't trade this chaos for anything in the world.

Another thing I can say, to my credit, is that I have two incredibly affectionate children. They give lots of hugs and kisses. I love it when they will climb up on my lap with a book or their iPads (yes, *gasp* my children each have a first generation iPad which we can discuss later). Learning together is a highlight of my day. Listening to them giggle and play just puts a smile on my face. On the flip side, listening to them scream and fight with each other is similar to fingernails on a chalkboard ;)

Right now, Jayden is chasing Aubrey with a fishing pole and she is fighting him off with a giant green balloon... Which has just devolved into a "sword fight" between the fishing pole and paint roller (think long thin extension pole for the tiny paint rolls)... Ending in Aubrey bonking Jayden on the head with the roller, to which Aubrey said "oh sorry" in her adorable, high-pitched, munchkin voice and Jayden informed her "you have to give me a hug and say you are sorry!" It was an adorable exchange. Is this irresponsible? Allowing the children to chase, argue, and have sword fights? I watched them do this. I was less than a foot away. Perhaps I should have intervened. Then again, perhaps it's important to allow kids to be kids, fight their own battles, and develop conflict resolution skills. Oh, the complexities of parenting!! All we can do is be true to ourselves, do what feels right for us, and hope it turns out great in the end!

Until next time. Love and light!

What's this all about?

It is my opinion that parents today find themselves striving for perfection to such a degree it drives us just a little bit crazy. Gone are the days of individual acceptance (if those days ever existed). Gone are the days of individuality. Today it seems that everyone is competing for parent of the year. Everyone is competing to have the perfect children, perfect marriage, perfect home. Could this drive for perfection, this constant need to control all the details of life so they fit into our perfect ideals be to blame for the high divorce rate or the even higher rate of anxiety and depression among the population? I don't know! I wont pretend to know! All I will do is say to you that I am not perfect. I will not pretend to be perfect. I will simply be real. I am striving for individual acceptance as a wife, mother, and woman, and it is my intention to share that journey with you. 

Hahn Family Christmas 2010

BJ, Carlie, Jayden & Aubrey