Adventure is out there

Here are some fun facts about me. The last time I was on an airplane was about 1999, and I've never been east of Colorado. Perhaps I've been very sheltered in my life, but I like the western United States. I mean, I live in Utah and for the most part I love it here. It's beautiful, my family is here, my home is here, what more could a girl want? I've been to my nearby states, Colorado, California, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, even Wyoming. But I've never ventured east. Until now. In a few days I will not only be flying for the first time in 14 years, but I'll be flying across the country to Delaware for my best friends wedding. Yes, I know, this is not a big deal to most of you. This is huge for me though. I've been on an airplane 3 times total. First (and second) was a round trip flight to San Diego. Last was a one-way to Portland. All of which were simple non-stop flights. All of which occurred 14 years ago. I'm just a simple girl, a simple girl with a simple mind.. Okay, perhaps that's stretching it a bit, but I grew up in a smallish town and smallish towns are where I'm most comfortable. The whole bright lights, big city idea is a little on the terrifying side for me. 

Here are some more fun facts about me. I am what you could call, people claustrophobic. Lots of people, confined spaces... Kind of makes me panic to just think about it... I don't like to be touched by people I don't know and I have a pretty large comfort bubble that I don't like being invaded, even my kids can make me feel claustrophobic when they get up in my face with theirs for too long. I know, I know, I sound like a total nutcase. That's probably not far off the mark ;) 

Another first for me, I've never been away from my kids for this long. In fact, I haven't been by myself for this many days in a row since I met BJ. The longest my kids have gone without me is about 2 days. After day one Aubrey starts getting twitchy because she misses mom. Thank goodness for FaceTime. 

Anyway, that's all for now.  This nutcase is off to read the TSA traveling guidelines so I know what I can pack on my grand adventure. 

Love this...

Just came across another saying that sure hit close to home. In my heart, I'm pretty sure this hits the mark. Something to think about, anyway. 

How important is this lesson...

There are times when I have to stop and ask myself "how important is this lesson for the kids?" I have refused to clean my playroom for a while. An embarrassingly long time, but I think I have a good reason for it. See, my kids destroyed that room and I think they should have to clean it themselves. Not long ago I wrote a blog post about making my kids clean their own room. What would have taken me an hour, tops, took them about three hours to complete. It's true, I could have cleaned it for them, but what would they have learned by my doing so? That they can make ridiculous messes and I'll be there to clean it up for them. I don't want them to learn that. I don't want to helicopter parent either. They are 3 and 4-years-old. They are going to make messes. However, in my mind, they are less likely to do so when they know that a) they have to live in the mess they make, and b) they have to clean the mess they make.

When they did this... I CLEANED IT!!!

When they did it AGAIN.... I CLEANED IT

When they did this, I cleaned it... (This is behind my couch in the front room)

Ahh, much better... but they didn't learn a thing! How do I know? Because of this:

I had their playroom beautiful and organized... There are LABELS!!! 

And in a mere 30 minutes while I was downstairs making dinner... it went from THIS....

TO THIS!!!!!

DO YOU SEE THIS!!!

SERIOUSLY!

So... I was livid. They literally took EVERYTHING off the beautifully organized and labeled shelves and did that. Every single toy they own, which I admit is a ridiculous quantity, was taken OFF the shelves and thrown into a giant pile in the middle of the floor. I worked so hard in there, painstakingly organizing, labeling, I even built and installed the shelves... I worked my butt off in that stupid room and all of it was undone in a mere 30 minutes. My husband is going to kill me (metaphorically speaking) for admitting this publicly, but I have refused to clean the room ever since that day. Well, I've tried a few times but I don't make it very long before I get mad again so I have to walk away until I can get in the right place mentally. So far, I haven't found the right place and finally I asked myself why that might be. The answer is simple, it feels like an injustice for ME to be the one to clean that room. Yes, I know, that's just part of being a mom, but isn't teaching your children to clean up after themselves also part of being a mom?

I've had friends over who ask "why don't you just bag everything up and get rid of it?" That's a good question. Honestly, it's because I am convinced this is an important lesson for them to learn. I don't let them play anywhere else for the most part, I don't let them use the tv in the entertainment room to escape their mess. It is their mess and, by golly, they have to live in it or clean it up. I'm nothing if not stubborn. I just have to be patient with them. We have been making progress, very slow progress, but progress nonetheless. The problem here is that I'm working with children who are 3 & 4, which is to say, little people with tiny attention spans. I've tried a few different tactics. I was feeling especially hopeful after the success we had in their bedroom, but the playroom has been challenging for them as well. I tried setting a timer, telling them they got to play for the same length of time as they cleaned. It seemed like a fair deal to me, but to a 4-year-old 20 minutes is apparently an eternity. We didn't get very far. I tried enticement "when you get this room all cleaned, I will buy you the video game you want." Unfortunately, that wasn't enough motivation either. I may not have found the appropriate level of motivation, but I have a quality that is far more important. Determination. It might not make sense to you, that's okay, but I am stubborn and determined enough to teach them this lesson.

Every time they have to throw a toy away because they haven't taken good enough care of it, it's a lesson to them. Every time they ask for a friend to come over and I say no because the playroom is too messy for their friends to play in, it's a lesson for them. Every time they complain about having to clean up the mess, I simply ask "who made this mess?" When they reply "we did" I make sure it's a reminder of the consequences of making such a mess. Like I said, I could have had the room clean by now. I could do it all myself, but what would they learn if I did? A big, whopping NOTHING and I just can't have that.

How important is this lesson? If you ask me, it's very important.

The rules of shopping with the little ones

I recently read an article on the Matt Walsh Blog (if you haven't read it yet, you should) that inspired me to write this. I could sympathize with the mother in the story. Taking kids to the store has always been one of my biggest parental fears, not because of anything my kids have done, but because of what I knew they could do. For the longest time, I wouldn't go to the store unless I had backup or a babysitter. I ordered everything I could online, (hooray for Amazon Mom & Amazon Subscribe & Save!!) If I had to get something locally, I would either go to the store after the kids were in bed or wait until my mom or my sister-in-law were in town to go with me. I even had Winder Farms delivering groceries for a couple of years. I was terrified to be "that mom" in the store, that mom with the screaming, out of control child. Since I knew better than to try to control the every whim and tantrum of an infant and young toddler, I controlled the circumstances of my shopping trips.

When my kids were old enough for me to effectively communicate with them, I started becoming more adventurous, but I also had a strategy. This is just what has worked for me and as a result, I've been lucky enough to avoid any knock-down-drag-out-what-is-wrong-with-that-kid-look-at-that-horrible-mother experiences in a store. If I'm honest, whenever possible, I still take backup to the store with me. However, my village has been a lot more busy for the past couple of years and isn't available to provide backup very often. Hence, my strategy.

Step One: Before we leave the house, I lay down the rules and consequences of breaking said rules. I keep them simple but broad enough to cover almost everything. They usually consist of things like: No fits, no tantrums, no running off, stay in the cart or hold my hand at all times, do everything I say, when I say or we will leave the store and you will lose your iPads for the rest of the day. I have to make the consequences dire enough to get through to them.

Step Two: On the way to the store, we discuss the rules. I say them and the kids repeat the rules and consequences back to me. Just to make sure they really understand everything I've said.

Step Three: Before we get out of the car, each of them take turns telling me the rules and consequences.

Yes, this is ridiculously redundant and probably over the top. If I'm honest, sometimes, I skip steps one and two, but never step three. I always do step three. The only reason this strategy works for me is that I always follow through. No matter how hard it is, I always follow through. I've been doing this with the kids from the very beginning. Whether we were at a restaurant or the grocery store, if one of the kids started crying or throwing a tantrum, they were taken to the car. When I first started taking them out places, I always had backup, so when I needed to, I was able to have my backup take the little one out to the car while I hurried to finish shopping or check out.

Kids have amazing memories, and I followed through enough times that I only have to remind them of the consequences and they *usually* calm down. The same strategy works, for me, in counting to 3 when they are misbehaving. The thing is, I only lay down consequences I'm willing to follow through with. I wont even start counting if I'm not willing to follow through with whatever consequence I come up with to finish the "if I get to three, ____________" statement.

I know I've been blessed with two pretty great kids, especially considering they have a clueless mother. This is just one of the ways I've found to help make my life easier. All we can do is our best. Remember that. Just do your best, and don't worry about the other mom's in the world. Somehow we all think we know best, when really, we are all pretty clueless.

What's this all about?

It is my opinion that parents today find themselves striving for perfection to such a degree it drives us just a little bit crazy. Gone are the days of individual acceptance (if those days ever existed). Gone are the days of individuality. Today it seems that everyone is competing for parent of the year. Everyone is competing to have the perfect children, perfect marriage, perfect home. Could this drive for perfection, this constant need to control all the details of life so they fit into our perfect ideals be to blame for the high divorce rate or the even higher rate of anxiety and depression among the population? I don't know! I wont pretend to know! All I will do is say to you that I am not perfect. I will not pretend to be perfect. I will simply be real. I am striving for individual acceptance as a wife, mother, and woman, and it is my intention to share that journey with you. 

Hahn Family Christmas 2010

BJ, Carlie, Jayden & Aubrey