Lost

I am lost. The Carlie I could claim to be for so long has been gone for ages. The marriage I have is rocky, crumbling. Much of it is my fault. Most of it is due to the loss of the real Carlie. Everything I knew of myself has been sacrificed and I don't know how to adjust. So I self destruct. That is what I've been doing for a while now. I am trying so hard to change. So hard. And it just isn't enough quickly enough. The negative comes back and smothers me. The self pity party comes back full swing. And I continue to self destruct. The world crumbles around me. That is all there is right now. All I can see in this mess of a place I'm in. Pathetic, I know.